Forgiveness Revisited

Reading through the Lord's Prayer the last couple of days has provided me a new insight on forgiveness I thought I would share. Jesus tells us to ask for forgiveness equal to the forgiveness we receive from Him. He says it very clearly, if we don't forgive others we will not be forgiven (Mt 6:13-14). So how does Jesus forgive us?

There are three key things we must do in order to forgive others - understand, love, and forget.

• We must understand their position, situation, or reasoning for sinning against us. As Steven Covey puts it, we must seek first to understand then to be understood. Jesus took our position in life, as a carpenter, to fully understand what it means to be human. That's the ulitmate form of understanding!
• Understanding others opens us up to love them. This isn't the love of our spouse or family but rather the agape love, or unconquerable love, that God has for us.
• Once we realize that we can love others no matter what they do (after all we are commanded to love our enemies) than we can truly forget what they have done. As it's said, God buries our sins at the bottom of the ocean. He forgets them. So must we.

We really have to progress across all three in order to truly forgive others. Living only one of these will NOT allow us to forgive. If we expect God to forgive us, so must we forgive others.

So when I ask God for forgiveness, I must remember ... have I forgiven others? Before I ask for forgiveness, I need to stop and forgive others just as I am asking for forgiveness.

Forgiving vs. Forgetting

Every year, we go down to Ft Myers and meet my family at the beach. I get a chance to see my sister and her family and sometimes my brother and his family. As usual when families get together we often reminisce. One time, my brother-in-law said to me "I'm really sorry" ... why ... "for all the things your sister did you when you were kids" ... The crazy thing is, I don't really remember the things he was talking about.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Webster says that forgiveness is ceasing to feel resentment against another. Jesus said that holding on to resentment was just as bad as physically harming someone (Mt 5). Resentment can stay with us for a long time. Resentment can eat us up and control us. And the sad thing is, often the other person can live on as if nothing bothered them. So forgiveness can free us the grip of resentment. Forgiveness allows us to go on in peace.

But what about forgetting? Certainly, we can go on. In fact, we can live a long time without even thinking about what caused the resentment. But is it really gone? At some point, the resentment will rise back up. At some point, we will remember the cause and either let it surface in anger or to show in other relationships. In the end, the resentment doesn't go away, it just hides. At some point, the resentment will control us again.

Forgiveness is something we all need to practice. True forgiveness, not just forgetting, is healthy for us and our relationships. So how do we know the difference. I wish I knew the answer to that! I guess we know through our experiences. I guess we need to think about forgiveness and try to truly practice it. It's not going to be easy and sometimes it won't seem worth it, but it will make life better for us.

Temptation isn't bad?

I have never liked temptation. It has always been something I have wanted to avoid. I usually do everything possible to avoid temptation. I pray that I can stay away from it and be able to stand up to it. So I've always thought that temptation was bad. Well, temptation always has a bad connotation to it. But is temptation is really bad?

I was recently reading Matthew 4 and studying Jesus' three temptations. Jesus had just been baptized and given the Holy Spirit. Now it was time for him to start his ministry but first he had to change from His life to God's life. Jesus had to change from doing His own will to God's will.

Temptation is not an opportunity to fail but one to conquer sin. It is an opportunity to turn to God. Temptation gives us desire to focus on God and do His will. Isn't that what Gods wants anyway? Doesn't God want us to desire His will? Temptation points out what isn't God's will and what is.

Temptation most often comes when 1) we are at our highest, most successful point and feel the devil can't reach us; 2) we are in our strongest point, in the middle of our gifts and talents that we think are off limits to the devil; 3) when we are alone and without our friends and support system; and 4) we think we have reached the point in our life when temptation is no longer relavent for us.

So what have I learned? Temptation is not a penalty. It is an opportunity to come closer to God. It is an opportunity to build a stronger relationship with God. Temptation is not bad, it is our choices as a result of it can be good or bad. Maybe the best way to avoid temptation is to pray not for strength to avoid it but strength to focus on God.