Forgiving vs. Forgetting

Every year, we go down to Ft Myers and meet my family at the beach. I get a chance to see my sister and her family and sometimes my brother and his family. As usual when families get together we often reminisce. One time, my brother-in-law said to me "I'm really sorry" ... why ... "for all the things your sister did you when you were kids" ... The crazy thing is, I don't really remember the things he was talking about.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. Webster says that forgiveness is ceasing to feel resentment against another. Jesus said that holding on to resentment was just as bad as physically harming someone (Mt 5). Resentment can stay with us for a long time. Resentment can eat us up and control us. And the sad thing is, often the other person can live on as if nothing bothered them. So forgiveness can free us the grip of resentment. Forgiveness allows us to go on in peace.

But what about forgetting? Certainly, we can go on. In fact, we can live a long time without even thinking about what caused the resentment. But is it really gone? At some point, the resentment will rise back up. At some point, we will remember the cause and either let it surface in anger or to show in other relationships. In the end, the resentment doesn't go away, it just hides. At some point, the resentment will control us again.

Forgiveness is something we all need to practice. True forgiveness, not just forgetting, is healthy for us and our relationships. So how do we know the difference. I wish I knew the answer to that! I guess we know through our experiences. I guess we need to think about forgiveness and try to truly practice it. It's not going to be easy and sometimes it won't seem worth it, but it will make life better for us.